…i just don’t know where to begin. seriously, my mind is so blown right now.

i don’t know what it is about pregnancy, but listen… pregnant women love to get naked & take pictures. but this guy… he just took it to a WHOLE other level. seriously, i would love to hear the conversation leading up to this decision… like LOVE to.

i’ll admit, the urge to get naked has not hit me… yet. i guess once you get to a point and you’ve been doin this whole pregnancy thing for so long and you’re as big as a house, you’re like ‘i’m getting naked & i’m gonna make everybody look’. i promise to warn you all, if this happens to me. however, i have been trying to talk Craig into taking a similar portrait… so far we’re a no-go.

this whole pregnancy thing has not been what i expected. definitely not the media portrayal of glowing skin & happiest time of my life. the first 16.5 weeks, i basically thought i was going to die & the words ‘we are adopting the rest of the Kinsley crew’ frequented my mouth on many an occasion. and if you only knew the things i’ve Googled over the past few months. seriously weird stuff.

the other day, i was super upset because it’s been such a stressful hassle getting everything swapped over medically from north carolina to san francisco. i had just gotten off the phone with a very rude receptionist, made myself some yogurt & blueberries & took it back to the couch ONLY to realize i had forgotten the ground flax seed. WHAT?!? this can’t be happening. my world is over. prepare for a full meltdown- tears, snot & chest-heaving included. thankfully, in between his laughter, Craig got up & got me the ground flax seed. crisis not averted, but at least resolved. it was delicious. …BUT SERIOUSLY. who does that? not me… ‘i’m never going to be crazy when i’m pregnant.’  that obviously worked out well for me.

and the worst thing you can do when you’re pregnant is to just start Google-ing things. seriously, b/c you come across some of the most terrifying things… like this for example:

i mean AB-SO-LUTELY terrifying. how do you even recover from something like that? and i wonder why i haven’t been able to sleep lately.

Whole Grain is kicking these days. i keep trying to get Craig to be able to feel it (whole grain), but the kicking always ceases before he gets there.  i keep asking  Whole Grain to stop playing bongos on my bladder, but then i don’t know it (whole grain)  yet… so maybe they’re tap dancing. who knows. it (whole grain) should turn sideways. it’ll be the only time in it’s (whole grain’s) life where it can tap dance or play bongos sideways, or even upside down. sounds like a win-win situation to me.

most of my pants will officially not button. i’m really getting excited to smell johnson & johnson around the house.

i’m walking along… thinking about what bubble tea flavor i’m gonna get & wishing i would’ve checked when the next bus leaves so i’m not stuck at the bus stop with juvenile delinquents trying to sell me drugs & being over enthusiastic about the F-word. (sorry mom & dad, it only happened once. and no big deal b/c i was all alone. craig wasn’t even there, so we’re good)

i take a right onto to Taraval to head up to 46th st to catch the L. so i’m looking around checking everything out, there seems to be a lot of people out and about for a wednesday afternoon. i’m watching this man w/ his son load stuff into their suv & i think to myself ‘i’m really glad Cash isn’t w/ me b/c he would’ve tried to jump in these nice peoples car.  then my eyes catch this man in mid fall off of a ladder from the 2nd story-ish across the street. no joke. i kinda don’t really register the situation until his wife yells ‘somebody call 911′ just like in the movies. so, i think to myself… i’m somebody. i’ll call 911. and run across the street w/ the man and his son.

the conversation goes something like this…

911 what is your emergency?

umm… i’d like to report a ladder accident

what type of ladder accident ma’am?

(oh crap, i didn’t realize there were categories of ladder accidents.)  a man fell off his ladder (brilliant, i know)

what seems to be the injury?

his head is bleeding. (i’m sure there’s gotta be some other stuff goin on too, this one i’m sure of though.)

is he conscious?

(his eyes are open… but he’s wearing glasses. so…I THINK SO, SHOULDN’T YOU BE ASKING THE ADDRESS??) yes, he’s conscious

what’s the address?

(finally) so-and-so Taraval street (i obviously told her the correct address, which was handily in large numbers right about the archway, but i don’t want them to have any stalkers…)

ok ma’am, i’m going to need to ask you a couple of questions.

(ok. whoa. i didn’t push him or anything, i was just ran across the street and wanted to be a helpful citizen.) alright.

how old is the man?

(great. not only is this poor man having to go to the hospital but now i’m about to offend him b/c i’m for sure going to get his age wrong. rough day) he looks to be in his 50′s or 60′s

how much blood is there?

(seriously? well, it looks like there is a flap of skin hanging on his head. and i’m pregnant and getting kinda nauseous…) there’s a fair amount of blood. (is ‘fair’ even a measurement term?)

is he responding to you?

(well, we’ve never actually interacted… but)   sir?  he groans a ‘huh’. yes, he’s responsive

i’m going to need you to not move him, but if he goes unconscious, you’ll need to roll him on his side.

(no worries, i don’t plan on touching him. and, excuse me ma’am, if your husband passes out… you’re gonna need to roll him on his side so he doesn’t choke on vomit or anything)  he’s already on his side. (phew)

the emergency response team is on their way, i’m going to need you to stay on the line just a bit longer.

ok.

can you tell me in detail what happened?

umm… i was across the street when a man fell of his ladder. so i called 911 (lol, no joke… i really said that. haha)

alright. the medical team should be there shortly can you verify the number you’re calling from?

(i’m really not sure how this is helpful) sure. it’s xxx-xxx-xxxx.

thank you.

oh. i hear them now coming down the street.

alright. yada-yada-yada

i see the ambulance. by this time there’s a crowd. i already prayed for him when i first got there… so i’m just gonna peace out. this is all a little too much excitement for me. i’m feeling pretty awkward at this point… so i just kinda wave to the man and his son and am like ‘good luck’. that’s for real. i said ‘good luck’. i caught my bus & fought back some after-a-traumatic-experience-that-you’ve-remained-calm-during-all-the-emotions-come-out-at-once tears… and went to get some bubble tea.

just another day. doing my duty for the Kingdom and Society. NBD.

dear mr. second floor apartment man,

i have several questions for you. and maybe several observations as well. first off, why don’t you have any curtains or blinds? i can see right into your window… especially at night. i think you’re apartment is not high enough to see the ocean… do you enjoy looking at the traffic while you play you’re keyboard.

i try not to look… but you’re apartment takes up almost the whole floor and you’re always there by the window playing your keyboard when i take my dog out for a walk. sometimes i see you’re wife, or maybe girlfriend, or maybe you’re a single dad, or maybe she’s your housekeeper but she likes to stay late cause i always see her at the computer. BECAUSE YOU HAVE FLOOR TO CEILING WINDOWS WITH NOTHING COVERING THEM. and the computer desk looks onto the street.

i also hear you playing your keyboard almost everyday. is that what you do for a living. if so, you must be good at it b/c i know what we pay for our rent and by the looks of it (because i can easily see 4 rooms of your home), your apartment is 3 times the size of mine. since you’re doing so well, do you need an extra band member? i sing and play the keyboard… i’m learning the guitar. i notice you play your bass quite loudly also, so i’m assuming you don’t need a bass player which is good, b/c i don’t really have an interest in learning it. i would also make an awesome back-up dancer or i could learn to shake one of those egg things if you prefer. that way we could kinda keep it in the 2448 Great Hwy apartment building family, ya know.

i mean, i don’t have anything on my windows… but i live on the 4th floor and nobody can see in. except for one time this guy on a bicycle stopped and started yelling something… i thought maybe he was talking to me but i couldn’t understand him so i just waved. but now i’m thinking maybe he was talking to you, since everyone who passes can see you. was he a friend of yours? if you need the attention, or like people seeing into your life, i could help you come up with a reality show pitch. also, i’m not really sure what genre of music you do… yesterday i thought you were playing that song ‘sweet dreams are made of these…’ but then it quickly took a ‘just beat it…’ turn. the later would go a lot better with my back-up dancing. just a suggestion.

i also wonder if you’re the apartment that every time i walk up the stairs it smells like someone is cooking bacon on the 2nd floor. why do you like bacon so much? and do you burn the incense to get rid of the bacon smell? or is it to cover up the weed smell that comes into our window when it’s open? i’m not knocking your creative process or anything… i just have a lot of questions. or maybe you get hungry after smoking weed so you cook bacon… i think that’s the most logical assumption.

well, we’re going to be gone for the weekend… but i’m sure i’ll see you when we get back.

Sincerely,

Lori Kinsley (you can call me LoKi)

well… it’s been awhile & A LOT has happened. alright, let’s get caught up:

1. i’m pregnant. woohoo. super excited. i’m due jan. 13… if i’m being honest, so far it has been horrible. i’ve lost 12 lbs from puking, etc & haven’t been able to gain any back. i waited for the  miracle 2nd trimester… it came w/out a miracle. i’m slowly but surely feeling better. i’ll be 4 months on thurs. awesome. startin to get a little baby pooch. super excited for the glowing skin and energy i’ve heard so much about!! and of course a little Kinsley. Craig swears i don’t have a baby bump & i assure him that i do… you can be the judge:

2. we packed up all of our stuff, including our 78lb dog and moved across the country. we now officially reside in San Francisco. i love it!!!! here are a few highlights:

• we’ve already made some great friends and found some awesome places here

• we sold our cars and are now completely reliant on public transportation. sure it’s been a huge adjustment, but it’s something i’ve always wanted to do and thx God San Francisco has an amazing underground and bus systems

• we live on the beach.

I wake up every morning, sit on my couch and stare out the window to the ocean. it’s an absolute dream. Cash wakes up every morning, sticks his head out the window and whines ALL-DAY-LONG b/c he wants to go to the beach.

• we’ve got friends & ‘team members’ starting to trickle in starting in August… so it’s all getting very exciting.

• there has never been a city or a culture that is more conducive to or more perfectly created for Craig & i and our personalities/who we are created to be. it is exhilarating to be here & i can’t wait to feel better so i can explore more of the city. it is an epicenter of creativity. there are hardly any chain restaurants, everything is so original and authentic. there is so much inside of me stirring to get out. i love it.

(sorry… i just had too.)

• i feel like we’re adjusting well. we’re def getting into shape walking up 4 flights of stairs to get to our apt and walking EVERYWHERE, etc. Cash is adjusting to being on a leash anytime we leave the apt and also to pooping in public. (he would always go around the corner and hide when he had to poop…so it was an obvious adjustment) and the downsizing is helping me think creatively on where to put stuff. but… we’re totally getting there.

i’ve always heard that you have to ‘change or be changed’. i don’t find that statement to be legit. this city is going to change me & i’m going to change it right back. but for now, i’m going to take a nap… BECAUSE I’M GROWING A HUMAN IN MY BELLY.

don’t ask me what my title means. it popped into my head on my drive home from Mississippi b/c there were millions of cops everywhere and now i can’t get it to go away. so i figured if i shared it with Internet (see my hubs blog) then it would get out of my head and into yours. you’re welcome!

today i’m working on booking our ‘look-see’ trip to San Francisco. the closer we get to this summer, the more………….the more…………. the more………i don’t really know. the  more emotions i have, i guess? in a single minute, i have more than likely felt and processed all ranges of emotions:  happy, sad, excited, nervous, God is in control (sung of course as the Twila Paris song as it always is when someone says that phrase), wth are we doing…we’re going to starve, i can’t wait to rejoin civilization, i’m totally going to miss being secluded in the woods on a mountain, i’m excited to meet all sorts of new people, i’m going to miss our ‘family’ here in MoFalls. BUT then our destiny speaks inside of me and everything just hushes & there is peace. that’s what is filling my fuel tank at the moment… and then, of course, i burst into song, singing Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin On A Prayer’ because it seems fitting & you can never have enough songs from the 80′s in your life.

this trip (to San Francisco) is exciting. especially because: a) i’ve never been there, lol       b) we’re going to be looking for a place to live(which might be a park bench b/c it is so expensive there & i also think they took some cues from the Canadians & pay their homeless people…so there’s that)     c) i will get to ride a Trolley & when they *ding* the bell, i’ll get to sing the jingle from Rice A Roni, which will obviously be awesome.

so… there’s a lot of fun stuff going on with us. a lot of moving decisions and packing and planning, etc. it’s a good season. and in the midst of it all, i’m trying to stay focused on what i’m still supposed to get outta this place they call Moravian Falls. Cause i know i’m not quite done.      ONE.DAY.AT.A.TIME.

well… it’s beautiful outside!! and what do The Kinsleys do on a beautiful day?? we go to the park. whenever i go somewhere ‘in town’ i take Cash w/ me. and i always get the question ‘what kinda dog is that’? and then i have to say ‘it’s a goldendoodle’ (which makes me look like a moron) & i’ve learned from all the weird stares that response brings to go ahead and add ‘a mix between a golden retriever & STANDARD poodle’. with an emphasis on the ‘standard’ b/c people always think of a toy poodle and well, a toy poodle and a golden retriever just seems… weird. SSOOOOO… The Kinsleys (which of course includes Cash) are at the park. we pull up & the guy parked next to us gives me the ‘roll down your window’ signal (i know what’s coming at this point b/c if Cash is in the car, his ginormous head is hanging out the window & if there’s anyone, or anything in a 10 ft radius he is all but jumping out of the car for some attention. so we go through the usual ‘what kinda dog is that’ yada yada… but then the guys all like ‘i was just asking because he’s just got so much character in his face’… and i’m thinking…listen man, i won’t be offended if you just say my dog has a freaking huge head, and it would probly make me not feel so stupid at having to say the word ‘goldendoodle’ so slowly.

so we’re walking at the park and Craig has Cash b/c he pulls my arm out the socket if i try to walk him…and trust me, the Dog Whisperer crap doesn’t work when you only weigh like 20 lbs. more than your dog. (and plus when i tried it i almost got a rope burn b/c we have to have this thick short leash b/c he chewed through 3 of those ones where you push the button and the line extends) so i’m watching them up ahead and i start thinking ‘man, cash is really going to have a BIG life adjustment when we move to San Francisco’. in Moravian Falls he runs free…we just let him out the door & he… i don’t know, does dog stuff until he’s ready to come back in. in San Francisco, however… he’ll only get to go outside on a leash, and we’ll have to walk him a million times a day & WE’LL HAVE TO ‘CLEAN-UP’ after him…how does that work? do you pick it up with a baggy? or do you have like a small scooper? does that scooper have a belt clip so you can have your hands free? there’s a lot i need to learn. and then of course, we’ll take him to dog parks. hahahahaha… that will be funny. once, when i took Cash to the groomer in Wilkesboro and i pick him up and i’m paying & the guy hands me a flyer for Puppy Obedience school, lol. (on a different trip & different groomer…they shaved him and made him look like a rat w/ a big poofy tail, it was horrible. i obviously didn’t say goldendoodle slow enough, and they thought i said chihuahua. he was so embarrassed. he walked around for days w/ his tail and ears down. so sad.) i’m pretty sure when we take Cash to a dog park there’ll be a lot of ‘i’m so sorry Cash swallowed your dog whole in one gulp’ and ‘i’m really sorry my dog is jumping backwards acting like a goat and biting your ankles’ and ‘i’m really sorry my 85 lb dog just jumped and sat in your lap b/c he thinks he’s really small.’

moving from   Moravian Falls, population: 2 people to       San Francisco, population: the whole world is going to be like moving to another country. I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we are spending the week in a cabin on Beech Mountain, NC. Craig has been writing and finishing his book and i have been dying    a very slow, very painful, very agonizing death. You should feel sorry for me. I’ll explain. I am a sugar addict. All forms are accepted. candy. cake. more candy. ice cream. candy. You get the point. Anyone who knows me, knows that my main food group is candy. But, in the past couple of months my body has begun to revolt against me. It doesn’t like the fact that i love sugar more than i love it. To the point that i decided to go on a cleanse/detox thingy. OH MY GOD. Why didn’t anybody warn me. I won’t go into the details of what all i’m eating or not eating, but everything is organic. no sugar. no dairy except yogurt. no grains unless sprouted. limited fruit… yada yada w/ some supplements.

Let’s just say for the first couple of days it was bad. real bad. like check me into rehab bad. headaches. cravings. BAAAAAAAAD mood. (just ask Craig). etc. I even saw a commercial for a fast food hamburger AND THOUGHT IT LOOKED GOOD. (for those of you who don’t know me well… my body has never actually digested red meat. and only on a handful of times pork. ((i’m not a kooky religious zealot, i just have never liked it)) i actually tasted a $50 steak and spit it out. at the restaurant. in a napkin. at the table. until about 4 years ago i had never eaten a salad, pasta, bread that wasn’t a cracker ((mainly a goldfish)) most seafood, pretty much any cooked vegetable, yada yada. I was one of those really weird people with really weird food issues. What did i eat you ask? CANDY. and chicken tenders & french fries). I hope that parenthesis added the needed dramatic effect to my mouth watering to a cheeseburger. Maybe it was just the cheese. And the bread. And the lettuce. And the ketchup.

I am now on Day 6. And I feel like a COMPLETELY different person. seriously. And I lost 6 lbs. JUST BY NOT EATING CANDY. kidding. partially. I’m very proud of myself. I even went to a bridal shower & didn’t eat the cheesecake. or chips. and didn’t even mind. I’m not saying i’m breaking up with sour patch kids. i’m just saying we’re taking a break to figure things out. it’s not you, it’s me.

well…please excuse me i’ve got a cadbury bunny egg waiting for me. KIDDING. it’s dandelion tea.

i’m lori…

this is the (sexy) husband, craig…

and this, of course, is our 2 yr. old (even though he’s only 1 in the picture…i just love the color of the leaves) goldendoodle called cash…

we live in a cabin in the woods…

on a mountain…

in north carolina…

BUT soon to be relocating to san francisco…

AND THIS IS MY BLOG!!!!!!!